Most parents are usually caught up with work leaving very little time to spend with their children. Between work and household chores, balancing the remaining time between children, their spouse and personal time becomes an impossible task to do. Apart from this they also need to help children with their school work. At times like these it is better to look for work around alternatives. When it comes to parenting we parents often make inaccurate judgment calls due to our busy schedules; out of frustration and stress of work.
We as parents need to keep our behaviour in check before correcting our kids. Although you may not like it children are usually a reflection of our own behaviour. They are very observant and pick up whatever they are shown. Some other mistakes that we tend to make include not spending enough of time or quality time with our children, we usually are less involved in our child’s life which makes us ignorant of our children’s habits and behaviours that is unacceptable. We don’t respect them at times, we fail to make our children our priority, we are so blinded by improving our child’s performance that we often don’t realize when to stop pushing them, we at times put undue pressure on our kids to perform, we don’t give proper explanation about why our child’s behaviour is inappropriate to us, we generally say something else and end up doing the exact opposite, we at times don’t pay attention to the crowd that our children interact with on a regular basis and finally we impose our dreams and wishes upon them irrespective of what they wish to become, needless to say we engage in inappropriate way to discipline our children in short ‘bad parenting etiquette’s’.
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Keep your Behaviour in Check: does your child trigger out – bursts from you? Then before developing a relationship it is preferable if you retify your own behaviour first. You need to behave like the adult in the relationship. You can start by figuring out ways that will help you to remain calm and authoritative while you connect with your child. You need to remain consistent and truthful if you wish your child to develop your core values in a relationship.
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Spend More Quality Time: it is essential that apart from engaging your child in extracurricular activities, you need to ensure that you spend time with them not just time but quality time. By helping them with their homework, projects, engaging in casual conversations over dinner, letting them assist you in the household chores that you have to do from time to time, if cooking the meal for the day take assistance.
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Be Involved in your Child’s Life: ensure that you are involved in their life by questioning them on how their day has been, if they have experienced any surprises, find out about how their schoolwork has been or any tests round the corner, find out when their play or game is etc. In short get to know how they are doing at school, in sports or the extracurricular activities that they participate in so on and so forth.
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Say Something Else and Do the Exact Opposite: well we need to ensure that we don’t confuse our child when we correct them or give mixed teachings. We need to practice what we preach or our kids will be confused as to why and how they should behave. So as far as possible try to show our kids the right behaviour and at times give proper explanations for our behaviours and actions. Remember the phrases actions, speak louder than words! So try to set an example for your kids by following your own teachings as an when applicable.
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Monitor your Child’s Friends Circle: most parents tend to overlook their child’s friend circle, or make inaccurate judgments based on appearances. Well the bes way to avoid such mistakes is by getting to know their child’s friends before arriving at a conclusion. When their child is in a sport or out practicing parents can be present and meet the other parents or can even get to know their friends.
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Learn to Respect your Child: most parents tend to ignore this aspect thinking that they are just kids and need guidance. Although this is true, it is essential to teach them how to make decisions and choices because they aren’t going to remain kids forever? There will come a time when they will have to make hard decisions and choices once they become teens. It is therefore essential to equip them with the necessary decision making skills when they have to make difficult decisions and choices.
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Make your Child a Priority in your Life: there will never seem to be enough time! Therefore it is all the more important for you to make use of your time effectively because let’s face it sooner or later they will grow up, your involvement in their life will reduce once they start ding things for themselves, so while you still can make use of the time that you have with them well. Remember you can shape the people they become if you pay attention to them are guide them instead of deciding for them. Remember that you set your priorities and not your children.
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Don’t Impose your Dreams and Wishes onto your Offspring: you need to realise that whatever you wished to be or become is in your control and your control alone. Your children on the other hand are different individuals, unique in their own way, have their own dreams and wishes that they wish to pursue. They aren’t here to fulfill your dreams and wishes that you chose not to go after for whatever the reason may be. But unless and until your children too share the same dreams and wishes as you then you may be able to help them.
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Compare Reasonably: as parents we often make the mistake of comparing our children unreasonably. First of all you can’t compare your child to another child because neither of them share the same up bringing, talents, interests, capabilities and abilities. The environment that each of them come from aren’t same either. That is why they say “no two individuals are the same, each one is unique in their own way, having different experiences, coming from different family and social environments, with different talents, interest, capabilities and abilities at their disposal”. One may be good at something the other may be bad at that, one is very creative while the other is good at sports. In short the experiences that one has is what makes them the person that they are today!
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Learn to accept things as they are: instead of pushing your child to be like the other child find out where your child’s strengths lie and their shortcomings are. Then focus on these things because they matter to your child and develop these things as these are the things that your child I going to need.
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Don’t Impose Unrealistic Demands on them: be realistic when making demands. Don’t expect your child to do well by deligating chores that will take up most of their time or by not maintaining a study friendly family atmosphere. Avoid outings and gettogethers while their exams are going on.
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Undue Pressure to Perform: stop pressurising them unnecessarily to perform well because they are already under enough pressure as it is. They pressurise themselves and are also pressureised by their professors, the last thing they need is more pressure this time from their parents.
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Know when to Stop: you can try to improve your child’s academic performance and overall development but you also need to know when to stop. Because it is said, “it makes no sense to break your head on a wall that will not break, you might as well figure out a way to work around the wall instead!”
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While Correcting: ensure that you explain to them why you think their behaviour is inappropriate to you. Use the Authoritative Parenting Style as often as you can, it focuses on giving explanations to the child when their behaviour is inappropriate instead of just correcting them. It will automatically reduce the number of out bursts you have with them.
Shall I go on, I think you’ve got the picture! so try to avoid these common mistakes and it will help you to develop a special bond with your child. Because let’s face it we want our children to run to us for assistance in their decision making processes and the problems they face from time to time. Nevertheless we want to be their friend and a confidant so that we can help them to be good individuals displaying our good values.