Most Parents today focus on getting their child as involved in extracurricular activities like sports, music, friends and toys that somewhere along the line we have ignored our duties of parenting. We have substituted parenting with indulging in extracurricular activities. While they are good we all know that too much of anything is not good. Due to this behaviour interacting with our kids has become a task and the relationship has been compromised on by our indulgence. We prefer to focus on providing the basic necessities and the development of the child has taken a back stand.
Well it’s not too late to fix this because we all know that it is never too late to fix this. Therefore the best way to start is by assessing your own behaviour, spending more quality time, being involved, giving support and encouragement, respecting your child, making your child a priority in your life, don’t impose your dreams and wishes on to your offspring, compare reasonably, learn to accept things as they are and know when to stop.
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Assess your Own Behaviour: does your child trigger out – bursts from you? Then before developing a relationship it is preferable if you rectify your own behaviour first. You need to behave like the adult in the relationship. You can start by figuring out ways that will help you to remain calm and authoritative while you connect with your child. You need to remain consistent and truthful if you wish your child to develop your core values in a relationship.
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Spend More Quality Time: it is essential that apart from engaging your child in extracurricular activities, you ensure that you spend time with them not just time but quality time. By helping them with their homework, projects, engaging in casual conversations at the dinning table, letting them assist you in the household chores that you have to do from time to time, if cooking the meal for the day take assistance.
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Be Involved: ensure that you are involved in their life by questioning them on how their day has been, experienced any surprises, find out about how their schoolwork has been or any tests round the corner, find out when their play or game is etc. In short get to know how they are doing at school, in sports or the extracurricular activities that they participate in so on and so forth.
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Support and Encourage: if they have a game, are participating in a play or a competition ensure that you go for it as this will give them the assurance that you are thers to support and encourage them all the way.
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Respect your Child: most parents tend to ignore this aspect thinking that they are just kids and need guidance. Although this is true, it is essential to teach them how to make decisions and choices because they aren’t going to remain kids forever? There will come a time when they will have to make hard decisions and choices once they become teens. It is therefore essential to equip them with the necessary decision making skills when they have to make difficult decisions and choices.
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Make your Child a Priority in your Life: there never seem to be enough time! Therefore it is all the more important for you to make use of your time effectively because let’s face it sooner or later they will grow up, your involvement in their life will reduce once they start ding things for themselves, so while you still can make use of the time that you have with them well. Remember you can shape the people they become if you pay attention to them are guide them instead of deciding for them. Remember that you set your priorities and not your children.
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Don’t Impose your Dreams and Wishes onto your Offspring: you need to realize that whatever you wished to be or become is in your control and your control alone. Your children on the other hand are different individuals, unique in their own way, have their own dreams and wishes that they wish to pursue. They aren’t here to fulfill your dreams and wishes that you chose not to go after for whatever the reason may be. But unless and until your children too share the same dreams and wishes as you then you may be able to help them.
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Compare Reasonably: as parents we often make the mistake of comparing our children unreasonably. First of all you can’t compare your child to another child because neither of them share the same up bringing, talents, interests, capabilities and abilities. The environment that each of them come from aren’t same either. That is why they say “no two individuals are the same, each one is unique in their own way, having different experiences, coming from different family and social environments, with different talents, interest, capabilities and abilities at their disposal”. One may be good at something the other may be bad at that, one is very creative while the other is good at sports. In short the experiences that one has is what makes them the person that they are today!
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Learn to accept things as they are: instead of pushing your child to be like the other child find out where your child’s strengths lie and their shortcomings are. Then focus on these things because they matter to your child and develop these things as these are the things that your child I going to need.
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Know when to Stop: you can try to improve your child’s academic performance and overall development but you also need to know when to stop. Because it is said, “it makes no sense to break your head on a wall that will not break, you might as well figure out a way to work around the wall instead!”
If you follow these steps honestly you will definitely see an improvement in the your parent child relationships and s/he will come running to you to help them with their problems. Thus you will gain their trust and they will inturn respect you more. A summery of the points discussed is highlighted in the table under.
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Assess Your Own Behaviour |
Making Your Child A Priority In Your Life |
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Spend More Quality Time |
Don’t Impose Your Dreams And Wishes On To Your Offspring |
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Be Involved |
Compare Reasonably |
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Support And Encourage |
Learn To Accept Things As They Are |
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Respect Your Child |
Know When To Stop |
To end with a positive note trust your instincts, use your common sense, trust yourself and rely on God to guide you, you know more than you think, don’t try to control your teenagers life either; so keep these things in mind while parenting and you will surely stress less! For more information you can visit our website www.careerfutura.com.